BREATHING

Rays evening moon barely visible, bathed Melbourne city lights. Stay beautiful to look at even without moonlight. In every hall south bank quite festive with a boisterous atmosphere. Jazz performances from jazz enthusiast crowded with visitors, the visitors at each table had a glass of wine in hand. Tonight is the night the atmosphere was really bathed in light exotic. Like wise with other places, in every café and boutique clothing is also not devoid of the visitors who are ready to spend money from their pockets. And here I am sitting in the hallway by myself waiting for a woman who has been two years since I dated. And two years I've lived in falsehood unconditionally. All have I got but the only one that has not been ...

Sense of pessimism clung started coming my soul. I felt vulnerable, despite trying to keep strong. Ten years already I'm pining every portray her. I always felt messy, over her face. One month had he not present in my dreams. YAH! I hate it. And in fact, I still love him. Her eyes were so attached, smile like magic. I still like to regret the mistakes I've ever done. Because ignorance that is why I lost my Juliet. Considering it all ..., make the chest feel tight. My chest seemed to rumble. He wanted to shredded rose. But I’m off to do ... this rose to Eva. Tonight is the day so we are entering two year dating. But it seems that Eva can not make me forget her face. I admit, my perfect appearance tonight just for Eva. So, also for this a bucket rose. I know, Eva will be too late an hour to come to this place. Even so, I still arrive on time. I leave. I'm just trying to better love him but to no avail. Already since an hour ago I relaxed for a night but still could not succeed. Had two glasses of wine I enjoy luxury, it still can not comfort me enjoy every drop. I find no peace. Night temperatures made me feel different, anxiety and nervousness made me bathed in cold sweat. I no longer concentrate on the rhythm of jazz there. All was not as usual. I want to do is sell my emotions. Its capacity is full and I was no longer strong enough to accommodate the volume. These eyes watched every street corner back across objects captured by the lens of my eyes. Hoping my Juliet suddenly just emerged from a corner came up to me to say hello and a smile. Surely! When it arrived I was not going to waste a single moment. Oh my god! Looks like I'm going crazy with hallucinations, her figure is very disturbing. Adrenaline increases, just came to me, although I feel a biological urge not perfectly. I'm fed up with this place. I’m Tired of seeing routine passing around, the waitress busy with their guest. Guest’s busy with their menu. All are making love. How I envy their happiness, it all looks perfect. It was great when I saw a little boy passing busy playing away from their busy parents dating. There are also those who are spoiled their parents. I started to laugh without shame though there are several pairs of eyes were busy watching.... hehhe… just smile that I can do. Maybe they were afraid I was raising hell with their children. No.... of course not. Stupid!! I do not want to disgrace my good self. Idiot.... would look foolish if I did. Frustrated when they are seeing excessive action it’s really made me vomit. Just loosen tie me down a little bit uncomfortable, as well as coat buttons. Pieces dress European sometimes makes me a little uncomfortable in the atmosphere while waiting like this. Made me even more frustrated and want to slam something. I looked back toward the eye that had seemed to hold watches, deliberately I sharp my eyes to make them back down and remove their minds to look at me with a strange look. A man smiles back at me and raising his wine glass in a toast. Yahhh ... I accept! I did the same thing. At the same time I heard some knocking Eva typical shoes, more and more toward me, her perfume wafting has wafted into my nose cavity impulsively drugging in my blood. It was too late when I turned back to face her, because her hands are delicate pale white circle on my shoulder. Her lips were soft landed on my right cheek tenderly feels very.... very soft as soft ice cream. I believe it will not stain her lipstick imprint, she wore a color stay of one cosmetic product belongs to America. Uuughh.. She’s gorgeous hair style model, people would think if he was a pediatrician lung specialist. Especially for this evening I dressed like a prince who lost empire. Sit with a European-style dress, dress a little piece tuxedo. Tonight she look beautiful.. well look even more beautiful than usual. Charming smile always ready to spread its charm and bold eyes looked drugged. Would have guaranteed it’s knees. This beautiful woman kiss showered me with a very embarrassing and uncomfortable. Until molars teeth unconsciously reads enough to stop acting and made for releasing the hand. Now only can I give a smile. He glanced at the bouquet of flowers on the side. I understood what he meant.
"Good evening dear ... emmm what is it for me?"
"Of course  ..." I was simply handed over to the owner who can not wait. Her face flushed smells the flowers.
"Thank you ... I'm sorry to have kept you long to wait when it is my turn night guard" in the style of a little wry smile at me his eyes are flat faced. To be honest I'm no longer angry at the delay. It is not the case. There are other things jammed in my heart there was something to my mind the last few days. Yeah ... but not about Eva!
"Mayong ….Mayong ... hello ... anyone there? I'm talking to you dear! "
"Yahh ... of course ... I hear you!"
"NO! You're not listening to me. You're mad at me "I was confused to see her confusion because my attitudes, constantly explaining regret my attitude
"I beg you dear, I'm sorry.... Please, I hope you can understand! "
"EV Eva. I'M NOT ANGRY" I try to emphasize the tone of my voice that he understood that I was not mad about it. Eva lips pursed some degree. Then smiling
"I'm sorry Mayong, I already told you about two days ago and even this morning also again I say it for twice. I'm asking for you to delay an hour but you did not respond. Even you come earlier than me and it was not my will. She emergency patients and then I panic ... panic once when I was up with my party dress "
I no longer listen to the babbling and ravings, I'm giddy not because of him. The Problems between us tonight does not matter to me. Even if she was not able to come, I will feel more comfortable, so I do not need to wear a mask to comfort him. Last week I made upset by rumors that reached my ears. Unfortunately I have not been able to prove its truth. I was surprised when I saw Eva standing in front of me a little hysterical ....
"Mayong ...!"
I looked at his face, his eyes began to look in the mirror glass, it looks like he was wrong judge. I held out my right hand and his answer.
"Believe me; I am not angry with you dear!" I was happy when I saw her smiling as usual.
"Sorry!"
"Ev .. va stop apologizing!"
"But you get angry and it's because of me!"
"Dear, stop apologizing, I will forgive you!"
"DUDE! ... I LOVE YOU that's the way I'm crazy about you"
Eva managed to make me chuckle, and it seems like we could familiarize ourselves again. With a bit of bragging though I had that fact. I'm uncomfortable when to say it, but I tried to make her comfortable fatherly though I am uncomfortable because of it.
"Va ... you look so beautiful tonight, even though you're still wearing jacket"
"I thank you for the compliment Mayong and my mind floated a bit shallow" beautiful hands covering his face. Somehow she became embarrassed. I give praise in accordance with reality. I smiled as I intend to dance like the other couples. Eva looks pleased with my invitation. I feel the passion of romance begin to ferment. But it did not happen to me. Honestly, I'm a little uncomfortable tonight and I'm not ready to deal with erotic style. I also do not feel like kissing her neck and shoulders. I just wanted to hurry come home. I want calling someone. I wanted to chase him information about the person. Shadow crossed his face again, the way he looked, walked, talked and smiled now stronger after me ..... OH GOD. I wish all a thrill it could happen again!
Now two ... three songs I was no longer able to pass with Eva. I declined his offer to continue dancing. Only reason I was hungry, he'd stop forcing ... yeah he's going to stop. "SUPER" he muttered, maybe he feels the night is not as perfect as he imagined. We went back to the counter and order food play. We enjoyed a meal quickly without the need to chew thirty-six times as directed by your doctor. That may be because Eva keeping pace with the way I spend on food. Eva suspicious! I do not care. I'll be very happy when this is all because, Eva will request drop me. It's very good news I want to hear right now. Until finally I decided to leave this place and go back home after drove him back to the hospital. In fact Eva strongly objected to the request, the reason being that he has not fully enjoyed our time together. I took her arm; I helped bring her candy bag.  With pursed her lips and face slightly sour, she walked following in my footsteps by bringing my gift bouquet.  A While walking slowly and limping along. Maybe his legs felt heavy, her head resting on my right shoulder. Oh God it feels heavy casualties feeling. Tonight no one can make me smile satisfied. This all makes me suffer. I have not had a chance to vent my emotions, so I wanted to accelerate my Peugeot with enough speed for the road split. Unfortunately I have not done on my terms; I did not have the heart to make Eva back disappointed. The atmosphere was quiet despite Eva's head back against on my shoulder. Eva likes looks busy opening a second topic to break the silence between us, I feel a lot of the subject, I will not realize and could barely hear the hat he was talking about. My concentration is broken, his voice just sounds sketchy on my ears. I was busy paying attention. I was busy thinking about the truth that I heard the news of bird a few days ago. That Rumor tells a piece of news about him. I miss her because I was ready to prison for the rest of my life in the world. Suddenly it ....
"You're so cold tonight?"
The voice pulled me out of the fantasy world to the real world. He managed to make me a pale
"Ahh ... you feel it! I just noticed the street .maybe due to temperature, let me turn on the heater "I do not see what he was talking about, I only heard him a little bitch. Shattered my concentration, density from crowded city streets and on the side that I passed was a little creep because the traffic is too dense. But not on the right, now complete my sense. When a Peugeot Porsche passes me with a maximum speed "DAMN IT, SUCK" I yelled. "Are you okay Eva?" Eva was silent, holding his chest; I think he was surprised just like me "I'm okay! Just a little shock "after I watched his face turn pale, she was a little happy.”Va ... is you okay?" She just looked "breathe in deep, set your breath" I tried to control his thoughts were turned pale and slightly stiffened by Porsche crazy. "Fasten seat belt" rule while Eva sounded angry because they know I mean especially when she saw I hit the gas and drove with strong emotions and approached him out and beat him. Crazy idea that just popped in my head even though I've never felt this high temper. I kept running hard until I made Eva involuntarily shudder. Eva's eyes kept bug out but that can not stop me even crazy idea to finish the car was getting stronger. My eyes narrowed again when the Eva hand grabbed my arm quickly "enough! Let her through! "He said with emotion, in the end I stopped to finish off. This is all I do for Eva though I did not really love him. I tried hard to control the emotions and at the same time all the back face look as real as saying something to the beauty of the lips without making a sound "was much better!" Instant eye shadow and disappear again leaving a disappointment for me. All I could do was close my eyes so I'm a bit quiet and then I say to myself I really miss you. Eva hugged me; his eyes were glazed watches without talking at all. If only Eva knows about the contents of my heart, I guarantee she will no longer be willing to love me for this with remarkable patience. I grabbed his hand as he kissed her forehead. I do not know what's in my head, which is clear to my mind tonight is not too healthy. Eva is so spoiled, made me feel more guilty nature of my bad play. Oohh ... Eva why you love me so much? ... You know that I do not love you. I’ll dare myself staring at her and stroked her hair. My heart wanted to scream when she said "I love you Mayong" Eva acknowledgment back makes me feel tired, silent and decided it was better to keep pretending pleased with the fake smile as he clenched palm of my left hand. I longed to tell her EVA SEEK OTHER MEN Do not spend time KIAMATPUN JUST LOVE TO FORM him.
When we both went on a trip in the city center, we returned to find bottlenecks and this time it was true total. At first I thought because of the traffic light could be due to death or understand any event this Friday night would have been a lot of entertainment to make jam. Turns out I was wrong.....
We both came back loud enough to hear the explosion. Sound of the explosion was loud enough and visibility of hundred meters, we saw a fire which led to grabbing and smoke. Noise in the streets began to flare up. Some of them seemed curious, so many of them gathered around something. Some of them away from the scene, fearing to caught fire. There are no happy faces among the crowd that I find. Their expression of what I observe is the horror and sadness filled with concern. Panic everywhere. They made us curious. I had to block side of the road my car. I removed the seat belt. There's something that seems to have been talking to me even though it does not sound clear. There was something that drew a circle around the crowd of people. "Hey ... where are you going?" Eva tried to block me, this time I'm not too ignored "Wait here!" Snapped with a high tone and very upset. I did not realize what I’ve done; sounded pretty rough when the car slammed "Mayong" curiosity is very strong affecting me. Even I’m very strong enough to unsheathe a sword. I ran into a crowd of cars. And now it's back burning car exploded, from the vague distance I heard the sound of fire sirens. I'm sure one of them had contacted them. Sounds like my heart still guiding me towards the crowd in a solid circle. My heart beat faster, my blood flowing. Suddenly fear enveloped me, faint in the crowd I heard a little boy crying hysterically calling parents. This feeling is said that the child must have been just an accident and they are the parents of the child. Compassion influenced my back, I turned towards behind, apparently Eva was at the end of my car, sitting on the front hood by biting his finger. Surely he's worried. Eva Regardless, I continue to break through the crowd into it. My guess was right; the boy was a victim of an accident. Two young women trying to calm him down, unfortunately they look like trouble. And when I approached him, sobbing tears starting to sound faded. I watched the boy from the top down and from the bottom back up to some times. Looks like she's a descendant of Indonesia, the closer when I watched it again his face reminds me of someone. The closer I got him more calm, without me knowing her right hand reached for my hand to get close to the young woman's body lying on the back roads while whining and sitting in front of her. "Mommy ... mommy  ... wake up" the figure that as I know, it's just that her face is not clear to me more observed. Heart is back racing tight, yeah I know, this face makes me surprised that pale, cold sweat flooded my body limp scared when brushed hair out of her face. Just to be more convincing intuition. The boy was watching me. Our eyes met and fell on her there before us. It was like being struck by lightning. Body lay limp, so I grabbed it, without thinking anymore I carry. When everyone staring at me.
"This woman is my sister!" Lucky, they believe it with my explanation
"KIDS! .... Help me pack bag belonging your mom" the boy nodded
"Ohh Elaine wake up ... wake up honey, KIDS let you come with me"
"Good, ... take my mommy to the hospital!"
"Of course dear, of course ... of course. What is your name?"
"Yusuf !"
"Well Yusuf, hold the tip of my clothes ya! Do not you take it off, we have to move fast break, okay? "
I think he understands because nodded. I jogged while carrying Elaine staggering. Indeed, I do not believe that God arrange meeting between us tonight. Although not in a good condition and atmosphere. Eva ran as he picked me up by the hand of Yusuf "You know them?" I just nodded "what's your name dear" he said to Yusuf “Yusuf, Doctor!"
"Oohhh dear how do you know I'm a doctor?"
"Your Jacket!"
"Eva hurry up, I want to take him to the hospital!" I Begged "please hold on!"
I knew Eva was confused watching us. But really I do not care what was on his mind
"I was driving and if you do not mind ... please accompany him behind I'm afraid of what will happen with Elaine!"
"Elaine?"
"Elaine ... she is?!"
"OK"
"Thanks! Yusuf, do you want to sit in front with me! "He nodded.
"What mommy will be back smiling!"
"Of course dear. Be patient and pray! "
"Okay. I'm going to ask for healing mommy to God, but what about my Daddy? "
his Question make me limp. I'm not sure of the answer
"I've called an ambulance to your father!" Eva said who tries to help answer
"Thanks Eva!"
No more strand smile to Eva, although he had help. I'm just worried about Elaine. I do not want to lose him. Do not also want to see longitudinal stiff as a corpse.
"Mayong ... Mayong, hurry.. Heart starts to weaken!"
"Oh no ... no ... no God, God save him, save him!" As soon as I was driving my car at full speed, luck tends to even jamming roads deserted.

Arriving at the hospital, Andrew and his team are ready to provide care to Elaine. We sprinted toward the emergency room, Yusuf frightened mother rushed fast. He saw the panic of the medical team. I tried to hug him though Eva was holding her.
"Unfortunately, we were all doctors. Mommy-you will be healed. So stay for a quiet ... okay buddy! "
"Promise me you'll heal!" his pinkie taped to the pinkie finger, smiling, down from Eva's arms.
"I'll take that boy !"
"Thank you" I tried to warm up for a kiss on both cheeks before they both left me in front of the emergency room door. A nurse gave me a uniform and some of my needs like a glove, mask stethoscope. I rushed into the room. Andreas had given infusion; cardiac Elaine still looks weak, even though the medical team was spurred heart. Andreas gave a sharp scissors
"I thought you were content to cut her dress

. Please do not tell me that she was your Indonesian girl. Because she is the wife of Indonesia's ambassador to Australia! "
"You're not wrong!"
"O Lord, it looks like she's pregnant!" Eyes watching the shadows moving in the layer, while moving the sensor device fatherly check the condition of Elaine.
"Really?"
"I think entering the fifth month of her pregnancy, would I give her the sonogram later"
I heard this faint Andreas, the rumors turned out to be true. Jealousy started to affect me, to be honest I could not hold these scissors, hand shaking. Just give her scissors on a nun, and I pulled my own hair after I tuft my hair. So dizzy my head. I paused on a corner chair. I feel regret that very late when found her. Until she had Yusuf. Eva contacted me with a short message.
"Dear.... looks like Yusuf more need you!" Instantly I ran out of the room to meet them. I still see Andreas busy preparing something for Elaine; I walked to whisper "Drea .... Please save him for me!" Just nodded, patted his shoulder. I think he really understands my anxiety. "I work with God's help, ask him!". When I run, the doors close by themselves without making a sound. Kept my feet stepped in the room to meet Joseph Eva.
"Heiii ... KIDS!" I called him and I missed him way down from her lap Eva raced to hug me. "Woouw why Spiderman crying likes this" I asked. I'm just guessing that he was idolized Spiderman. Watches and Spiderman shirt patterned with red and blue. Eva and Joseph smile at me. I feel sorry for moody look with red eyes and wet with tears. We both experienced the same sorrow for our loved ones, with the exception of Eva.
"I'd love to see mommy and daddy!" She asked softly and a little trouble when he said it, whine at my lap and still kneeling on the floor with one leg.
"Oh boy, it looks like you have to be patient, unfortunately have not been able to see them tonight!" I'm trying to reveal the truth but I'm not sure young as Joseph could understand complicated medical language.
"Oh yes Mayong, the embassy wants to see you in an hour?" Eva said who approached us and her hair Yusuf. Ahhh I was upset to hear the message Eva, I was pissed off when I'm dealing with people aristocrat government.
"Damn it ....!!! What can not it wait?"
"I do not know, I just deliver the message!"
" Yusuf will come with me; he looked tired and was in shock! Well I guess "
"What do you want tranquilizers for him?”
"What is good for him? Alright! Please give the low-dose "
" Yusuf ... do you trust me?" Eva slowly injected in the buttocks
"Of course!" His eyes narrowed, his lips slightly pursed "ouwww!" Well I think he is a bit of pain caused by needles.
"What is pain," I asked curious
"Sick?" Eva again repeats my question.Yusuf nodded and touched his buttocks touch the injection needle Eva. A cotton swab with alcohol and hold it pinned on his wound
"I hope this relieves your pain!"
"I'm not sick anymore!" He replied
we smiled proudly, well it turns out she's a strong bears the pain.
"Okay, stay with me! You trust me?“Yusuf nodded; I picked him up and pick up some belongings of Yusuf and Elaine. I do not know what it is. I grabbed it right out of the table.
"Upss ... Eva! Looks like I'm lazy when I had to wait another hour to see them. And if they need me they would call me back! Right? "
Eva shrugged without any comment. We observed a slight smile began to close, but unfortunately different smile patterns. The impression this time it looks fake. Not a problem for me. I do not need to worry.
"Okay ... bye, tonight" I said goodbye without a kiss on both cheeks get red as usual. We go by walking straight toward the parking car area l don’t know why I feel very sorry and pity on Yusuf. The boy's eyes remind me of Elaine. I smiled to myself aware of my admiration for him. Yusuf seemed happy when I picked him up. His body felt heavy even though his does not look fat, his head resting on my shoulder. Sleepiness seems he can not master anymore. Surely this is the effect of the tranquilizer. I put him to sleep on the seat next to me with a belt that had me tighten, I do not like when I hit the brakes of his head hit the dashboard of a car, it would have winced in pain even she might cry. Ooohhh I would not be happy if that happens. Along the way his eyelids closed. Although I’ve deliberately stepped on the gas or brake suddenly skipping a slightly hollow. Still, Yusuf fell asleep. Therefore I also suddenly just be paranoid, I fear bad things just happen. Just simply eliminate the doubts; I put my two fingers in the direction of his nostrils, making sure that Yusuf was still breathing. Oh God how stupid I am, .... Giggling like crazy because my reaction itself. Tingling like to laugh and again I watched Yusuf's body structure as well as some characters that I know. I think he's a smart kid and had the guts, a strong soul. Well I feel very close to Yusuf, I do not know I do not know why. What might be because she's Elaine or what? Deep in my heart I wanted to hear and see that her husband died in an accident before, what, because I do not care. It sounds very cruel with the prayer that I prayed this. I'd love to hear her husband's death ... so wish, and if it does happen then I will have more opportunities and easier for me to reach out and love Elaine so did Yusuf. Even I'm not the biological father. Smiling satisfied despite just imagines is wild on imagination. Although this is has not happened. To be honest I was expecting it to be but part of my heart says another, I do not want Yusuf to be orphans. This sounds so quaint. My head felt dizzy thinking the entire thing about Elaine. At first glance long shadows began to forms that reflect almost like a movie in theaters. Long shadow which is full of sad memories just came up and ready to fill the void. Well I still remember everything, which used for the first time I met Elaine. Her feature are graceful, beautiful and so simple and for me at all that like a magnet is always ready to catch my attention. Oh God ... I still love him, I want to be close around him. And why is God, you brought us back when I was trying to learn to love another woman ... please God if you do not bring us back once you separate us again. Because I will not be able to imagine the madness.
Arriving in front of the house, I came back carrying him out of the car to the room. Just a little bit of trouble when I had to open my door. Understandably I am not an architect who can design my house with us as easy as pressing the remote, like the rich style of Beverly. Even so he still looks uncomfortable to sleep in my arms. I'm glad to see him so soundly, I feel comfortable when the child is comfortable with me even though we just met a few hours ago. What it feels like to be a father, is that it feels to have a child?. Yusuf Oh you should be my son since along time ago. My body feels so tired not with my soul. I feel a little happier, a little relieved my lonesome flavor. Although my Elaine still has not noticed our proximity. I deliberately laid Yusuf in bed so I was always close to the child. I am especially worried about his mental health. Child his age should undergo this weight shock right before his own eyes, who knows what will happen next with this kid. I was worried about when he wakes up. I can only pray that everything can keep him calm. Hopefully he remained steadfast that whatever will happen and be patient undergoing role later. I took off his shoes and a sock one by one still looks clean and fragrant. I smell the scent of freshness. Jacket and hat I loose I want him to feel comfortable while sleeping with no one to bother him. I looked at every detail of his style; I grabbed a piece of wet tissue to clean the palms and feet. The sensation I experienced was incredible I had the pleasure of caring for the child. After all that I felt cleaner then my turn to clean my own body members. I used to clean up every time I finish activity from outside. I left it for a while, the temperature of my room still feels cool to the collection of ions that exist in the system air conditioner, blankets which I attach too warm even quite warm, light room I turn off just one light table I deliberately turn to give a little light.
Standing under a shower with water that is cool enough make me feel a little uncomfortable, wet head feels very hot. I do not want to experience vertigo. Elaine worrying me back. I'm also worried about the condition of the fetus; I hope they can still be saved. I do not want to miss Elaine, I do not want him to get depressed because of this incident. And this bothers me.
I tried to calm myself back; wearing only pajamas without drying my body is still wet, I sat in a chair which I think usually feels comfortable. But not this time. My mind became clouded thinking of them, I tried to contact Andreas. Unfortunately ... I tried it over and over again I have always failed. I did not; maybe he was deliberately turned off his cell phone so I'm not trying to harass her. How about Eva? Well by Eva! No. .. not possible. I'm reluctant to ask this on her even I'm pretty sure she'll help me find the information I need. Silence here waiting for news is not good. But I'm crazy when I left Joseph alone at home. DAMN IT! Apparently there is no other way but to wait. Andreas can only hope that the madman could contact me as soon as possible before I die of curiosity. And I also hope that Andrew is not really got me into crazy about Elaine. Taking a deep breath is a good idea and cheaper for me to do at this time. God gave free air no matter how much oxygen I take his creation. Keep trying to calm down that's what I keep on doing. Then I could go to the kitchen to cook or looking for something to fill my stomach. Well this time I need a lot of serotonin, chromium and magnesium. I opened the fridge, then I can find what I want. Finally, I'm a little glad to get what I want and so I need at the moment. A cup of hot chocolate with some apricot jams toast contents are still cold from the fridge I took recently. I took it all to the room; I made sure the stove is off the gas after I wear, as well as my bread toaster. I do not like having to leave Yusuf too long. And when I saw him still sleeping peacefully as it makes me happy. I've never seen a child like Yusuf. Elaine has sweet… sweet smile. My mind strained back, looked at my watch was showing exactly two in the morning. True ... I could not sleep. I enjoy lazy that I had just created. I am constantly worried about Elaine. Very ... very worried. Trying to be patient and lay beside Yusuf after I tucked my surround fro. No sound except the ticking heart of Yusuf. And now I have all the room lights turn off so I can get a little feel calm and able to rest. The only rays of light the night sky burst through the glass window. I let it break through the curtain that I accidentally opened. Yusuf stroked the black hair and loose it's really soft. I kissed her forehead. It seems strange indeed very strange. As there is no power in my blood. I was shocked, what it all means. A strange experience that makes me crazy, I felt like kissing.... Elaine and I snapped away. I was not ready for it all.
Reverie-phone4s shattered when I shake mine. Pleasure and also fear of making my heart beat to nearly cringe a bit excessive fear all mixed into one.
"Was almost three in the morning and you have not slept well, crazy!"
"Shut up! How is Elaine? Please tell me clearly tell me everything without any missed! "I yelled as I tried to stay away from Yusuf being awakened from deep sleep because you're too afraid she could awaken by our conversation.
"Mayong hear. Well ... there are two newspapers that I want to you. Of course, to pleasure and pain! "Chuckled but his voice turned serious
"Satan, what do you mean?"
"Quiet doctor, calm down!"
"Come on ..." I'm sick of hearing the loud laughter "Andreas quickly tell me or I'll kill you without any blood coming out of your body?" Laughed Andrew became increasingly ill once when I heard laughing
"Okay  ... okay ... enough!"
"Good start right now!" Snapped
"Well ... the heart of your lover began to improve well although not in a normal rhythm, but for a fetus in his stomach continued to weaken health I'm worried about both of them. Of course you know what I mean "
"Please save Elaine if one of them had to be sacrificed! Please help me ... I beg Andreas "
"Hear stupid, without you asking I’m certainly would save patients' lives. Oohh.. Mayong one another, we could not save her husband Zarkasih "
I simply can not answer silent. My mind is busy thinking about something so preoccupied with my heart.... I do not know I'm too confused when they want to tell Andreas. But clearly and definitely I was a little excited to listen to the news he gave me. My heart is glad to hear news of the death of the man. A little smile enough to make me feel victorious.
"Hey ... Mayong! Do you also die! Are you still hear me? "
"Ouu ... yeah ... he uh ... emmm I will come immediately to the hospital tomorrow after I finish taking care Yusuf course"
"What did you bring her child today?"
"Yupe ... I need to give him a few pieces shirt and some toys just to make her a little amused. Just to make it cheerful and leave sadness. You experience them know about the little boy is still zero let alone play the role of being a father even if only for one day. For me it's difficult "
"But it looks like you're the expert! exactly what I was afraid of when Eva jealous
"What? Eva? Oh God I think I just forget it! "
"You're crazy! It's crazy! "

It was great reluctance to open the topic about Eva. I almost forgot the name of it if not mentioning his name Andreas to remind me that he was my boyfriend. It seems like all the things about Eva I did have to set aside first. I do not want to misstep. Moreover, to recover lost Elaine for the second time. Because of Elaine is everything to me. Although a million questions on me and most basic question is ELAINE IS STILL LOVE ME? I can not forgive myself for what I've done before. Maybe... when I was positioned for sure I would do the same thing. In fact I hated my attitude with very much. Long silence, I could not concentrate so I decided just to end the conversation with Andreas without saying that appropriate cover thanks. My heart started by saying a little quiet to hear the news delivered Andreas. Now sleepiness began to attack and are masters of the mind. I lay back to the right of Yusuf, who was still fast asleep. The skin is smooth again kissed his forehead that made me feel good I wanted to hold her, and it was very easy for me to do. I really feel there is a special relationship between the two of us.
Promptly at this morning nine o’clock, when the sun began to break into the room window to make my eyes be dazzled. I woke up. Ahh feels lazy my foot on the floor. Yusuf switch hands holding me. Sensation incredible smile affect my eyes were able to make me smile in the morning which I never normally do. The boy fell asleep without thinking about the conditions that afflict both parents. Maybe he's a wonderful dream. An eye closed but is able to parse a beautiful smile. I was honored when he would lift me as a stepfather. A few minutes later the boy woke up from his sleep, his face a little moody, without her sweet smile long silence. his eyes were sharp ready to kill me. I hope to give her a smile can help weaken the tension in nature. I know what makes him cry.
"... Hey buddy, I hope you can smile for me, well just a little" I whined like a junkie in need of a few grams of morphine "come on buddy, we're going shopping and buying flowers for mommy. Tell me you agree? "Well managed ...his smiles
"Of course, I miss her so much, mommy!"
"Nice!"
Unfortunately Yusuf back a long pause and daydream, I think he was thinking of something. His hands were busy playing rope roll. His view is empty. Bare blinked. Five minutes later he started to come out of his reverie. I walked up to bring a glass of milk. When I touched her forehead was a little warm. His eyes looked back at me. And I just frowned. Oh God, I'm so confused to find a way to get a little more relaxed Yusuf, I think he's a typical thinker.
"Hello, anyone there?" With a smile he nodded
"I want a bath!" Sounds stilted answers
"I've prepared your needs, in the bathroom! That new towels dude "

An hour later, we left the house in accordance with the initial plan that we put in the hospital overnight while. I took her to a department store especially for his age. Sure, it's mildly entertaining himself indirectly from scattering when looking at some of the latest Spiderman collection. We were separated at different angles, I told him he was free to buy whatever he wants without exception. I have a special budget for it. Of course it was entered in the budget are not unexpected. T-shirts, shoes, pants, jackets, socks, hats, watches or whatever he likes, Joseph stayed pretty cashier took it and it was calculating how much money I should spend on him. Originally he was glad it had given me satisfaction. I feel we are spiritual bond that has not been able to showing up, our eyes often say that. And a little more I began to know him more deeply than overnight. More rational mindset that looks mature than his age. His style of fashionable dress impressed, I guess he represents my Elaine simple but details. Overview smile started for me when I watch engraved trying cickers shoes brown soil. I nodded ...
"Ya please count them?" When he heard his face turned to me as surprise. And cashiers with counting skills are now getting busy with the selected item Yusuf
"Please leave at one set according to taste my son!" One friend cashier was helping to put the items they have counted. Yusuf is busy choosing clothes which he will wear immediately. "Which, why do not you wear a blue striped coat and white as the red shirts can you wear in it, surely you will look cool. Color also matches the watch that you do! "I try to give advice, well  ... although I'm not too sure with that. His hand pointing to a pair of jeans labeled cickers shirts branded with the same, according to the one I propose.
"You want me to help?" he just shook his head and walked straight without turning into fitting room. And when she left me, my mind began to chaotic moment. Elaine continues to affect the shadow. I need some time to put together the structure of the sentence. I need to prepare the guts and confidence to building optimal. Dazed and confused that which swept over this time. I love him, fear to admit it continue clung ready undermine everything. I'm afraid its expression later, what will happen between us. Is he angry? Happy! Upset! Or even hate?. Continue to play a finger just to relieve nervousness, as hard as possible I clod my hand seemed ready to beat up dozens of soldiers facing. "Idiot! Fool! ... Stupid!" Actually said these words fit perfectly for me but it looks like he was wrong.... Yusuf one hearing, he thought ...
"Really?"
"Of course not buddy, you look great. Only four o'clock a man who took his girlfriend looks stupid, I guess! Gorgeous girlfriend Dud, ... pity her man looks too old, fat, sagging skin, and the skin is not too bad even black! "Well managed, I managed to hear her laugh like crispy crackers. Of course I lied. A cashier handed back to us with a credit card and asked for my signature on the sales draft him some paste between the memorandums. Then Yusuf received a large plastic bag filled with items he chose.
"Thank you!"
"Thank you again sir! His son was beautiful. Definitely her mother's beautiful "
Clearly Elaine is very pretty, lots of men who made heartbreak. I was only able to smile without being able interruptions the truth.

We left the outlet is looking for some restaurant or shop that could offer us a menu with an incredible passion for our meal. Unfortunately we do not have appetite to swallow or even imagined enjoyment of their dishes. We are forced to buy two burgers with two bottles of sparkling water and then we were out of the area, to approach the flower shop owned by Mistress Angela. Middle-aged woman was very kind to me. She said, I'm a pretty romantic Asia. I do not know what it means to catapult the sentence. True or not I do not care. Mrs. Angela is really like the appearance of Eva. When I came to buy some flowers, definitely with cheaper price. Eva? Gosh! I forgot about her. I block the car just in front of the entrance to florists Angela. Her eyes kept watching us may seem strange, because I was with Joseph. I guess, he must have hunted tremendous curiosity ....
"Oh,,, Doc! Who's coming with you, handsome face like an angel? Roses you need will soon prepare by Gil "Gil no immediate comment go to garden. "Ooohh hello handsome! What is your name? "
" Yusuf!"
"Yoshep?"
" Yusuf ... YU .. SUF!"
"OOO ... YU SEV?
"YELLOW ... UNIFORM ... SERA ... UNIFORM ... Fanta!" OOOUUU sounding annoyed
"I see ..., sorry I'm having trouble keeping your accent!"
We both laughed, and I quickly rush to stop him, as his eyes glanced at me.
"Sorry lady, this time instead of red roses that I need!"
"Why?"
"Please Weave some white chrysanthemums, and daisy colored maroon, and if I may I request I want a white ribbon ivory, or ivory"
"Oh of course ... of course, let Gil brought Mayong doctor orders," he cried in Gil in the park is almost finished arranging the flowers for me.
"He deserves to be your son?" She continued
"Really" I wonder, dear Mrs. Angela just smiled and gave flowers I ask, I'm sure she's got me curious.
"Thank you!" Give me some money, and he gave me two roses "FREE!" Lips smiled with a wink of his topaz and waved to Yusuf. Unfortunately Yusuf get quasi ignored and not paying attention to her.
Along the way to the hospital, and the child continued to stare at me. As I gaze response, instead he just refused even flinched first. his lips trembled a little when she saw a bouquet of flowers to her mother. I think myself, if anyone has one of the bouquets? Or even I have done something inadvertently offended? I think not!. Feeling there was something she wanted to talk with me. One to two minutes I waited, three to five minutes later I am still waiting even. I patiently waited even until fifteen minutes had me waiting without results 'ZERO'. Just at a glance and fake smile compete. I understand what he's thinking, and it seems he also knew that one of our parents can not save. I think his instincts are speaking. Too bad I feel great pleasure when Zarkasih who died. Ironic! I loved his widow. Unfortunately I did not really enjoy with my happiness, especially when he saw Yusuf will be missed sadly express her mood. Right as I thought.
"Last night, I dream ... eemmm daddy went with Alice, prospective sister. Daddy says. 'Please keep mommy to daddy and Alice, unfortunately mommy silent "immediately burst into tears, made me stop the car suddenly just near a playground. My heart is so .. painful to hear. I held her tight, black hair smooth and then gently stroked his and I raised his heart a bit iffy "spider boy listen to me, as if God loves you so much that you have to accept some exams in the same time because God entrusted such responsibilities begin. All that you are experiencing now will definitely make you life as a full grown man wise and responsibility. Believe me I am always with you dude! "said to my conscience about something that I can not pour it in the form of language. I listened to the outpouring of his heart sank when, sad to listen to this all, if God allowed me to be taking his grief would have been done. Stuck on my tongue when I want to say that is exactly what he felt was a form of premonition. Maybe I'm not so tough when I had him moody and the same problem that this young age. I felt the tightness again, almost no mountain high rock stifling. Yusuf looked at me and cried silently for a few seconds only his hands to remove the remaining tears in cheek "uncle, go ahead!" His voice was hoarse when ruling. "No, ... until your tears dry up" maybe he did not hear the answer because I accidentally Keep your tone of voice. "May I ask you something? Emm .. about your dream! "His eyes glanced at me before he threw his face from course of sweetness. Now head down, eyes narrowed, lips pursed. Three seconds later locked lips began sticking her tongue started to say something so heavy even though the function of his tongue just to wet his lips. Then I realized that I might ask him questions too heavy so he found it difficult when they want to say "ohh ... DUDE ... does not matter if you do not answer it, okay! Let's just say I've never asked you this issue! "Slightly turned and rubbed his head gently. Unfortunately my hands thrown away. His eyes were sharp, though his eyelids look puffy. We each looked away enjoying distant views to the side, we had no idea what we were looking for, nothing can be said to be interesting objects in the visualization. "If God wants me to lose one of my parents,” a long silence, I'm sorry to ask a silly thing like this, I know that it is very personal. "I definitely would choose to accompany me stay with me mommy! Mommy loves me more! "Ears feel strange to hear his explanation. One hundred questions to the impulse to attack and grabbed my nerves, so quickly made up some lists to form a folder in the brain labeled '?' Big question. What's wrong with them? "You hate your father?" I keep softly as quietly as possible and put my voice as quiet as possible advance just to give you a question without leaving the high temper. His right hand signaled me to start the engine of my car. Sense of submissive makes Yusuf generously gave me a smile. We went back through the deserted freeway pollution-free and still solid. His eyes were still staring far into the world of another without sound; I had no power to pull him back to reality. Keep looking for ways to make it realized. Even when I tried going crashing a tree, it is still amuse me. How could I not? I'm cooling with that famous but instead I fooled around with a little boy who sat next to me. I'm afraid though just stare rearview mirror. Just do not want to look silly. Calm down and improve concentration Victor entertained while I started to send me a message

Doctors, Elaine has improved. Come in for a kiss

Of course it is the magic phrase that can excite my soul. Soon maybe I spurred my car securely
"About mommy?" I nodded

Ten minutes later we had reached room 091, not intentionally knock the door and walked away. Yusuf who can not wait already entered before me. Run chase and Elaine are still lying asleep. The face was still pale and infusion hose still attached to his hand. Looks limp helpless. Victor approached Yusuf and asked a nurse to calm her down. Actually Yusuf was silent as he stared at Elaine. Her cheeks were kept attached to the cheek Elaine. We're sad to see plays like that. Pretty nurse him with a white chocolate is packed neatly removed from his right pocket. Yusuf was silent stare Elaine holding hands. She kissed the lovely hand it over and over again. Victor looked at me. Her eyes say "persuaded him Mayong" and then I rushed to his side.
"Yusuf believe mommy will be healed!"
The boy nodded as I knelt nearby. I kissed her chick before I followed him to kiss her hand. I know Yusuf was surprised at my reaction. Though that I’m not with the eyes looking at me sharply. But really I can not help feeling lonesome already mounting. Elaine's life is also my hope.
"Sorry! I know your mommy! Emm our friend " Yusuf smiled and hugged me.
"So .. we also friend too?" I nodded, "Nice!" He said aloud.
"Well ... let me as a friend and a doctor friend to check out the mommy! Why do not you wait in a comfortable chair white corner is "I pointed to a couch that was swept Elaine room near the window. Yusuf walked obediently and orderly, despite the slow pace seen as backing away from my beloved. A nurse led to a relaxing of the sense of frustration gripping the brain. I just looked at each other and Victor to see his reaction.
"How is he?"
"You love her right? My heart can see! "
"I'm asking is she…your..?"
"Andreas said last night, he said you almost crazy!"
"Come on dud ... seriously!"
"You're a doctor. so maybe you do not know what she's having! "
Last sentence made me speechless. But not with Victor. His lips smile ready to make explosive.
"So .... What's on your mind Mayong? "He said made me realize. "Or do you want me to dissect your brain and find out for yourself!"
"When we pull out the fetus?"
"I'm waiting for blood pressure and heart back to normal and stable ... well! Because I'm afraid he's still experiencing shocks "
I agree with what was said by Victor. Today we do not get the results until the evening. I patiently wait for Elaine and Yusuf returned to consciousness. Grateful with the sense of concern no longer so squeeze us both. Elaine blood pressure and heart now start normally. Since glad we forget the hunger that demands our stomachs to rumble. Conscious of hunger, I opened a few bags of food that is in front of Yusuf.
"Your Burger still intact?"
"I'm lazy to eat! I'm sad! "
"I know!"
"No .. you do not know!" Sounding snaps
"Trust me!"
"I'm alone!"
"You have me, I love you ... you know it!"
"Tomorrow is the day of the funeral my daddy but a while mommy ... mommy has not been realized and yet to wake up from sleep. Why does God mean to me! "
"Ssstt ... I do not like your sentence. Do not you ever say that God has been mean to you? That he loves you ... my boy! "
"It's my birthday, but God just gave me a disaster '
Gosh I can not believe ... do not know what to do. I hug her tightly. I shake his tiny little hard before I hugged him and kissed him back.
"Happy birthday dear! I promise to make you a little party with ten requests so you want, whatever ... anything "
"Whatever?"
"Whatever ... as long as I did not ask you to turn on a dead man" well I only watch when he's just asking for something impossible, especially turn Zarkasih
"Well, I went to see Take daddy to kiss him one last time before daddy in the ground"
"Oh God ..." I barely audible moan softly.
Of course with a heavy heart, I walked by a million mixed feelings become tight in the chest. Heavy foots steps. Her hands hold my hand we walked hand in hand up to three minutes later we arrived at a special ward. Well ... the accumulation of dead bodies. Besides the room there was a special room guarded by some Australian police and several people from the Indonesian embassy. Four policemen standing in the doorway ward. A man dressed all in black mourning clothes and carried Joseph greeted us and held out his hand
"Mayong doctor?"
"Yeah right, sorry about last night I did not get to meet you"
"Oh no problem, Dr Eva has given an explanation
"Eva? Well ... well thank goodness you understand "
"My Doctor Hamid, emmm was Mr. Thamrin ambassador who had succeeded Mr. Zarkasih task for Australia"
"Fast?"
"No of course not, sir Zarkasih actually be served in Canada early next month. Unfortunately before the inauguration, God has willed another. While Miss Elaine, will likely miss the funeral Mr. Tomorrow "
"I think so, oh so glad to know you sir Thamrin"
"I also Doc!"
Yusuf forced him to step down from the sling Hamid. Zarkasih confidants. Hamid accompanied us when visited Zarkasih bodies. As he entered the door, I'm afraid to imagine the reaction of Joseph became hysterical. I was afraid he was going to scream or cry or fainting. The more I feared was a nervous breakdown. And when I tried to persuade him
"No problem, if you're scared!"
"Who says I'm afraid"
"You ready?"
"Of course, tomorrow daddy will sleep in the soil so let me kiss and hug"
"But physically! Unlike what you see? "I held him when he was about to move forward on one leg
"I know, I'm ready, I'm strong. So let me open the coffin '
Seems to me breathe in breathe oxygen to my brain. My heart is hardened and slightly stiffened when accompanying Joseph. I'd love to ban. Only prayer that I can do. The body of Zarkasih looks like motionless coffin draped in a white cloth. More step closer to his right hand ready to open a piece of white cloth to protect his body. It is remarkable, when what I'm worried about did not happen. Yusuf stands firm parse a smile "I LOVE YOU DAD ... LOVE YOU MORE. I will always pray for you, asking the most beautiful haven for you and keep Mommy either. I will be an obedient child is not naughty I will work hard for you mommy happy "sentence sounded hoarse and solemn, melancholy truly wrenching. He's still young but so mature mindset. Victor said Zarkasih suffered burns were so serious, his face slightly damaged by the fire although it is still recognizable. Unfortunately, his heart suffered shock when his bouncing. I said to myself, and hopefully he and the angel Gabriel to listen to what I tell him and hopefully the angel of death Izrail also listen.
ZAR with deeply heart full of sorry    ... I'm sorry YOU HERE IN, FOR GOD HAS A SENSE OF THIS GROUCHY vanished without a trace WITH ACCIDENTS ARE YOU EXPERIENCED. I PLEDGE TO YOU AS A FRIEND. I'LL KEEP IN WHOLE family THAT YOU CALM. I LOVED THEM. YOU MAY UNDERSTAND how deeply MYLOVE IS REAL SENSE ON ELAINE AND YUSUF. I considered YUSUF AS MY SON, I LOVED ELAINE ALLOW.

I crouched like a prayer. His body was wrapped in a shroud like pocong bodies like the Muslim peoples. We perform prayers in congregation unseen. No tears fell down her cheeks. His lips continued to say a prayer for his father who barely audible even be heard by an ant. Smile for Zarkasih such timeless; hopefully Zarkasih sense of pride has a son like him. And hopefully Zarkasih not condemn desire to marry the widow. Back.... Self-esteem destroyed just disappears with the wind. Pictured decision past the incredible selfishness

I left Elaine just for my career. At that time I did not give him a long time without any news, letters, postcards, poems. Our age dating no blackberry, twitter, timeline no social network than my space. I love hanging for three years. At the time I thought she would be easy to forget me and left me so alone. Give the same response. I did not think too much. Well until one day, after so long I just know that he perpetuated his holy love for me. And when I heard his loyalty was so ashamed of myself. I'm mad at myself, I was disappointed. How stupid I am. She flowers campus. The girl who is always in want of men. I have many rivals are pretty tough. And it is precisely because of flaws Elaine loves. I like to understand how he loves me. Well ... not wrong when I belatedly realized what a mistake I've done. Coming home from Los Angeles i want to meet her and come back to her house. His house was empty. Said a security told that Iskandar family that was conduct party for his daughter's wedding. Immediately my heart froze when I have thought of the angels of death have taken away my life, exciting spirit of my body. My tongue as rigid stops blood flow, body chills. It's really like being struck by lightning. I obviously knew who the girls family Iskandar he means. But it was too late for an apology. I miss many things about Elaine until I regained consciousness that she was very mean to me so mean when I really had lost her figure. How to shape the pain was so intense. Now I need a lot of information without the bold claim of Mail Security. He said the party was held at a wedding Shangri-La hotel ballroom. The party was definitely festive I whispered to myself. Without thinking, I'm off to find Elaine with little hope that she will still want see me, still willing to look at my nose rods. I did not dare to expect more. My brain feels hot, eager to burst and my blood seemed to be boiling. I wanted to cry like a woman. But I failed my tears though only a drop. Even the torrential rain did not make me feel cold. So frantic mood. I walked back with a raging sense of crisis, a taxi passing in front of me and willing to take me to a hotel. Fear began to spread, strong as the roots in the soil. Doubts for her shadowing me. I walked up to the lobby area play half an hour. So tired and helpless to decide and shadowed something there in front of me. What may make, I had to make a decision. Until round my mind to leave the hotel full stability. Heavy rain kept pouring earth I do not pay attention. Until my body soaking wet. Looks looked so stupid staggered aimlessly. I looked around the invited guests were still arriving without knowing the rain, passing cars honk Clarkson. No one recognized me. The road has now re-established before I felt giddy. I went back into the area circled back up the elevator to the lobby to the ballroom area. Really I do not care about all of them, the clothes I wear now soaking wet as it passes through the park, I go on my pace continues through the guests are flocking. I saw a large framed picture of the two entrances. Well...! She Elaine, her dress is so pretty filled with brocade. So look elegant when attached to his body. And the lucky guy who was next to Zarkasih. I knew his name was on the corner of the painting. I'm so jealous, really ... really burned jealous. But one if I'm being stupid over this. They're watching me, of course ... of course. Because I'm such a fool that looks so ridiculous. All eyes seemed to be ready with a view to kill. I'm sure Elaine saw. When all laughed at her only dumb such my emotion. Her sharp eyes already to killing me slowly but. Zarkasih releasing her arms. I do not know what they were both thinking about me. I do not care, to hell with it all. Elaine goes to see. I wanted to hug him but instead I ran trying to Manahan herself firmly. I tried to restrain myself. All eyes are. Precisely Zarkasih seeking attention by inviting guests to dance "alright, let's continue the guests!" He clapped his hands, whether for whom he did it. maybe he meant only to give us both a chance to give a little time. I tried to explain everything in the shortest possible..... Until one kiss is enough to treat the my longing.

"Uncle .... uncle. Mayong "scream startled. Then I realized that I had been daydreaming.
"I'm done with daddy, and tomorrow I will be attending the funeral. Emm I want to see mommy! "The child out before me and when I catch up. Yusuf became increasingly faster pace runs over two feet from the initial steps. Before long we were both in the room Elaine. We want to see it immediately struck me. Waiting patiently though not enough just to think patiently. Until the little man fall asleep at sofa though I was still awake. My head feels like broken. Tomorrow morning will be in operation Elaine. Victor will remove the fetus from her womb. I ventured slowly when I approached. Sitting beside me shaking with cold temperatures that could make me stiff and lost your mind, it's enough to make me die alone. I should not be afraid to sit beside him especially when he was comatose. So surely he would not react to every sentence I say. I held her hand tightly before I kissed her lips and forehead.
"Elaine, I still love you. I hope you still feel the same "my lips are stiff and increasingly tightened when a silky white hands with fingers adorned with beautiful black pearl ring that I gave last night when we had dinner, now landed on my shoulder left.
"Well what do you say Mayong?" I know the sound of it
"EVA?" I'm sorry I upset her. I'm sorry she knew without preparation.
"I can read your mind! for a long time "his voice sounded sad and so sorry" it's just my love is so big you could always keeps me going and keep trying to make her loving me. Eliminating my depressed from herself backwards so I kept surely even until this moment my love for you is so great "and then he left, walking slowly away from me before he bolted out of the door now. He was just leaving the a medium sized balckforest HAPPY BIRTHDAY Yusuf labeled with a slight smile as Joseph turned to see who suddenly just woke up, she kissed him and stroked approached him Yusuf hair as he held her, who knows what they were talking about, they did not include me in it. I do not know where he learned that Joseph was her birthday. It's not important to me. Half of me felt relief that so makes me a little uncomfortable. Eva finally know who my true love. My eyes melt when remembering a few seconds ago when Eva kissed Yusuf on both cheeks lovingly. Her heart was so good, enough to make me sick when I accidentally hurt her. Really I hate having to decide between us. Not for Eva or another woman. My God ... why would I do it again. Fault on Elaine has not been able to redeem me, but instead I went back to do it again at Eva.

Many days I thought about this. And it's getting me crazy even very crazy. Yusuf had three sleep with me tonight. Elaine was still being treated in hospital where I work. He was under the supervision of Victor. There is good news about two hours ago saying that he was awake. Medically, his health was restored. Said Victor, Elaine was able to receive about two bad news to him. Elaine upright and willingly about the death of her husband as well as on the fetus. Still said Victor, death upset her most was the death of the fetus in the womb. I told the news to Joseph, his face changed so only the glow of excitement filled the series, like the bright sky adorned with a rainbow. I'm glad to see it. Ironically I actually experienced the fear of returning to squeeze so extraordinary. Am I able to look like eyes beam arrow? Am I ready to get a whipping sentence? I like bombarded with guilt, shame that flooded my heart. But I've promised to deliver him Yusuf. Yahh ... tomorrow morning! Tomorrow morning I also met my angel. When Joseph was sleeping I can not seem to sleep. Elaine continues shadowing me; I repeatedly tried to re-imagine Eva. But it failed! Elaine shadows continually come up with a look that dims. Jeez what kind of punishment will I receive tomorrow?. I never smoked, but not this time. Tobacco smoke with me with a bottle of brandy. Getting me dizzy. I tried to smoke it in a safe without Joseph saw. In order for a sweet boy did not see my abuse. I spent this evening with great fatigue cold does not make me sleepy, my body feels hot. Four glasses of brandy getting me .... ahhh I do not know I can not explain it. My mind is messed up even though I tried to sit back to enjoy the view Samsung tablet. Looking for some an articles and several recent video on YOU TUBE. All is not entertaining. All to no avail him forget me. My body is here but my soul. As people are dying who need super oxygen to stay alive. I was upset but confused by what I really regret. Eva? Elaine? Elaine? Eva? Of course, Elaine! Well, it is definitely Elaine. Four hours live like making my brain feel witless fool. I walked out of the room full of smoke and the smell of alcohol. Walking unsteadily to the bathroom wet hair, face and head were so hot. Air shower splashed down hair, it feels like a massage. Head and shoulders feel a little relaxed, the muscles are not too tense. All tasted fresh when wet. A part of me feels pretty fresh, although some are not satisfied with the work shower. Brushing your teeth three times is not enough to remove the tobacco smell from my mouth, unpleasant smell, my tongue feels sour. Five pint glasses mouthwash also helps eliminate scent yet. The last way is I chew mint leaves little bowl I normally use as a garnish drinks. Recently I felt refreshed. Relaxing for a moment and dwell alone in the living room, I opened my journal to be some I'm sleepy. I do not know how long I was asleep, when I woke Yusuf already on the sofa opposite me. With an orange juice with a plate of toast with pineapple jam. Well I was surprised to see her, her face flat, his eyes blinking observed. Tried to smile awkwardly. Seeing me confused, his smile was broke. And when I really woke up from it all ....
"Why sleep here? What is bothering my sleep? Is .... "
"No ... no-no! Was not at all"
Her smile bloomed like a flower expands in spring
"I hope you like it?" He continued
Eyes moved toward sweeping the contents of a table between us. I know what that means. Honestly I like
"Well ... of course! Thank you dear! that I should make him for you. Eemmm and not the other way! "
"... The same thing we are best friends!"
We laughed together and then I went to him. Just want to ask about our schedule this morning. Although I know that the program is not likely canceled.
"I want feeding food?" He nodded. Although this morning I was not too hungry, I still heartily enjoy the cuisine. But I like to deceive by pretending hungry. My eyes are looking at her lips that seemed to give me the signal to say something. It's just that I caught doubts of Joseph.
"What you need something or maybe you want to talk," I asked curious
"Emmm what mommy friends? Well ... I mean what you guys are friends like we are now? emmm .... I mean what are you special? "
Cash I made was shocked, speechless, dried my throat felt I had a long-standing right under the sun.
"Why mommy photo in the journal and I-Mac’s yours?"
Oh god I feel like a small scream and shake my body there in front of me. I screamed to myself DAMN! This kid is so smart and careful. He was still small but thoughts so far. Explanation as to what I should give to his age. For him to understand our relationship.
"Just answer yes or no?" Question was heard demanding "that you can not explain is not a problem for me. Yes or no! That's it "
"Yes"
"When .... where? do you also know the daddy? "
"Yes ... oh no. Merely know. Actually I do not know officially. But I am a friend of your mommy! "
His eyes are like arrows pierce my chest ready to go to the hole. Ready to shoot right in the middle of my heart. My guts shrink, I quasi stand for something, but unfortunately he stopped me.
"Wait!"
His voice was firm, to block the first step
"You lied to me? Let us discuss this issue in males. Not that I'm also a guy! So let's talk! "
"Okay, but what do you mean to say that if I lie to you?"
"You loved her ... you .... you sweetheart!"
"Where did you think like that?"
"What is the problem for you the way I know where your relationship?"
"Of course, explain" I return demanded
I was so shocked, that's my reaction. There are no words that I can prepare quickly to answer Question a child with adult problems. Indeed, they are two people who managed to make me mad and dying of curiosity. One hundred percent of Yusuf got me curious than others.
Heard he was clearing throat, lips parted as his tongue before moving again. I'm still stunned silence full of anxiety for the explanation.
"I ever see photos of you in a mail collection box and some mommy cards belonging at large brown cardboard box in the warehouse space. I found it accidentally. When I look for brown cardboard box filled with the contents of my toys. Well our box looks the same, only I was not careful when reading the text contained in big box .yah it happened a year ago. Looks like I was wrong to open the box. At the same time daddy too busy looking for a philosophy book. We help each other. Unintentionally we also saw the same photo "his mouth was silent for several seconds, up to forty seconds later Joseph resumed his explanation. I'm still patiently waiting, the longer I'm getting hounded strong curiosity.
"And when it's turned face daddy. When we heard the sound of the barn mommy, daddy seems in a hurry to close cardboard that we had guys open and hide images on the boxes of the other, just in cardboard book belongs to daddy. Her eyes hinted that I did not tell it to mommy. His finger stick in my mouth. Photos you tuck inside the book with titled BIOGRAFI OF Bonaparte "
We both took a deep breath, my heart pounding. Waiting for the final story.
"A few months ago, daddy rarely came home to unwittingly make mommy sad. To be honest I never knew what was wrong with my parents. Mommy was a good mommy, she was always there between us, when we needed her. Nothing bad about my mommy in her eyes. I felt sad when I heard the news that parents are in the process of divorce. Since then I always saw mommy crying, without knowing the real cause. My heart is like a cut when he saw her tears fall. And since that time. Daddy and mommy are always silent when meeting in the dining room with me. There is a reason they have for one another avoid each other. I was confused but I do not know where to tell it all, until one day I play my role as Detective Conan. Five days made me even more convinced that the search is actually jealous of mommy daddy. A mommy's poem entitled the last kiss at my wedding that was fishing jealousy. The poem was written behind a photograph that perpetuate past you. Emm .. photos with the same picture tucked in the your journal "
We were silent for a few seconds, until I was absolutely flabbergasted ..
"Oh my Lord," and shouted holding my head, I do not believe
"Well it's the first sentence ever come out of my mouth. When I saw "
" Yusuf ...!"
"Quiet, I do not think bad about you, you are not that cruel devil ... as well as mommy. He's not a beautiful monster "
"Love can never be predicted"
"It's an adult problem"
His head was bowed to the floor and I'm one hundred percent sure he was the son of a very remarkable. I was amazed. I want everything to be his disciple. Skeptical
"Do you love her?"
"don’t ever asking me how big I love your mother. There is not anything I can be compared to explicitly identifies this form of sincerity! His voice echoed ... always smile like inspiration for me"
"I loved my mother's uncle ... please do not hurt her anymore"
We were silent again, until his mouth again said without looking at me
"All this time I never knew that his heart is very fragile, of course behind a shiny smile and charming"
"I'll do anything to get Elaine. Trust me ... "
"Honest to God I never hurt anyone willing if mommy"

Two hours later we were both a smile, much less able to experience peace and tranquility. Because of Yusuf, my confidence started to grow fast and I'm really ready to meet Elaine. Sense of calm continues to grow after Joseph told him everything. A little his mommy too many already knew about me right now.

First, meet Elaine really stiff and crisp, heavy legs when going to approach it, the weight of sin that's for sure. Although Yusuf hand pulled tightly still feels hard when I move. Stiff tongue, felt hard stiff, numb. Keep going and do not want to stiff longitudinal bent limp. My heart pounded like a rock the size of a mountain.... yah felt I wanted to run away to avoid the spell. His eyes kept looking and locked inside. My eyes did not move. Flavor prepared and unprepared sound like the tune played by the heart, sounds like cappella music. Rhythm of the music would make my death. DAMN IT! I like the sheep are afraid of looking stupid lion ready to devour me whole round without the need to rip my heart. I really like the people dying just waiting to die in a matter of seconds. This is as stupid as me. Instead I caught him a different view. He was so quiet until his hands outstretched to embrace Yusuf who ran hug, his run so fast and jump as fast as lightning her basket. How nice to see them happy. I wish ... if only it was too big hug for me for sure I will not refuse. Between the two of us just smiled at each other and no one dared to proceed greet.
As a man, I had to start it, because I do not want to if she thinks like a wall. I know him, I know him. Elaine will never precede talking or reprimand someone who had one eye. I realized he was very surprised the first time we both came a few minutes ago. Direct gaze toward my eyes fixed on the ball. His eyes were shining it does not hold a grudge. Not like I think about the hatred that is so great hit. Precisely tempestuous longing that burns between us. But wait ... what is it merely a fantasy or delusion. From the fragments I had imagined. From the ten steps I could not hear the conversation they were talking about. The wind is silence would not divulge their secrets to me. Maybe it was too secretive. Curiosity began to permeate, slowly and surely guided me to approach them. Intuition alone. Longing this is actually more disturbing; try trying to find something more so I could hug him. The taste is also an ever gave me the courage to keep on coming and held out his hand. How I go back to my full confidence calmed down when hands are warm and smooth shake my hand tightly, ready to drain power.
"Hey ... hello!"
It felt strange and awkward voice, they smiled at me. Joseph held her from behind, put his hands on that beautiful neck. Elaine ... oh dear, I like dreaming, show love your voice, miss your voice my eardrums.
"Hello doctor, how are you? '
"Bad! Emmm looks like you had enough sense"
"Oh ... um, well, of course thanks to the Lord and your medical team"
"Thank goodness.... sorry, I'm sorry for everything that happened. Once again ... sorry I feel sorry for your husband and the deceased fetus in your contents! "
"Thanks, thank you also for taking care of Yusuf during my coma, I  ... I can not say much other than thanks!"
"Come on I do not like talking about it. You know I do not mind it, actually ... emm. Never mind forget it! "
No one speaks of us. The room is quiet again when the sound of emotion enveloped. Elaine start cry to make Joseph wiping tears off his cheeks. I can only approach it, sitting next to him and hold his hand without daring to hold her. Even though I really wanted to do.
"May .. yong!"
"Yes, El ..." I said quietly
Just shook she head, looking down. Oh God my heart cry cut saw, unfortunately I doubt when trying to guess crying about something
"Come on El, stop you’re crying. I can not see it. Please! "
"Sorry  ..."
Elaine looks limp her body, and her head fell back unconscious on my shoulder. I started to tense and frightened. Yusuf experienced similar things. We shout
"Elaine ... el ... Elaine, wake up honey ... wake up" his repeated I shake
"... Mommmy mom ... mom!"
"Unfortunately descended, if you want to help me, would you please call extension 208, say doctors Mayong need help," I pressed the button on the head of her bed
"Good" hands are so nimble existing telephone button next to them
"Wake up honey, come on wake up, please, please, wake up ... wake El ..."
It was hard to me to calm down, but when I found the pulse is still beating was enough to make me calm. I tried to examine it more closely; I think he's just depressed. So I lay alone. Yusuf again and again hung up the telephone crying silently.
"Oh boy.... Mommy just fainting, maybe she's tired! "
Her hands held tightly my waist; last minutes after Victor came with a nurse. Stethoscope put a necklace around his neck, walking slowly and very relaxed. Cool hand patting my right shoulder, I saw a second later hand to give Yusuf a box of white chocolate.

"Hey, what do you do with my patients, I hope she fainting not because you would married her!"
"Shut up, there was Yusuf " I twisted my body to oversee the child's
"NOO, your son is safe with nuns!" Said Victor without any reaction
Elbow made me groan in pain when landed in my stomach. I can only wince in pain at the sight of smiling satisfaction.
"Listen ... hhmmm, I salute with you. Your Love… guys seem to have died. Well I hope there is happiness in the end of the story "
"What do you mean?" I raised an eyebrow and it's getting him shiver
"I think you're not a fool, so let see it!"
"Shall we say, come on ...!" Insisted
"I'll say. Long time makes you resist the taste. You both walk in the same direction, the same goal even though you journey a different way "
Victor hand back patting my right shoulder, whispering and glancing fainting, Elaine is still above her bed.
"I am ready to wait for a bomb ready to explode. Detonator is only a matter of time. The bomb had been buried long you "and then he walked away from us. Now…. only just two of us. I freely observe his face, kissing her hand, stroking her hair. Actually I know exactly what is Victor. It's just that I'm afraid that the first time Elaine misidentified me a few minutes ago. Although the picture of Yusuf gave about his mother so clear and is recorded in the memory of my brain. Children's story was so perfected my thinking over the years. It's just that I still need a confession Elaine clearly, without giving me a double sense would thinking of us emotionally draining. True reflection of our love is still stored. Reflection I feel about my love for him is getting so obvious and I start killing my love began to grow for seed corn on Eva since a few years ago. Love is getting a face mask that Eva is so beautiful, these feelings seem fake when I say love with Eva. Everything kills my love on Eva, once again managed to kill it all successfully. Second passage of time up to an hour, Elaine began to open her eyes. I smiled hello though no reply from her. Actually physically he's just starting to look better maybe his mind is still heavy.
"... Try to relax. You can go home this afternoon "
"Really?"
"I'll drive!"
She paused as confusion; I became concerned
"Where? Yusuf, where is my son? "
"Victor takes Yusuf with lunch together at cafeteria, wait! What do you mean where? "
Back again Elaine silent, made me even more curious
"What do you mean where? What Elaine "I repeat it, maybe she did not hear the question.
"Mayong, are you married?"
"Elaine is not ... yet. You must know why. But please do not play puzzles. What do you mean where? "
"I've been divorced with Zarkasih. I do not have a house in Sydney and all the letters my letter and passport seemed burned his car. Since that night we arranged to meet for dinner and she wants to give up all my important papers and a few other letters to me and Yusuf. He plans to get us home! Edge of everything ... "
"Elaine…oohhh   gosh ... my God" and suddenly I'll hold her, as well as with a sense of comfort without reject.
"Stay with me! As you like. Listen! I'm not against you at all, Yusuf is safe with me. I will not forbid you about whatever you want to do. So.. Trust me. Let me make up for my sins in the past ... "
Elaine fell silent at the moment I hope that he can accept my offer. He seemed reluctant and a bit awkward. I took pains to persuade and seduce. Any conditions that he would give me thanks.
"But Mayong ... what people say"
"Oh my God, you're living in Sydney Elaine …my dear, eastern culture will not be making fun of us"
"What would not be a problem for you"
"Of course not!" In a firm voice
"Emm I mean, you've picked a widow with a child, and you're single. I mean it! "
"Elaine god sake I will not do anything bad to you. So I beg you to say yes. And I hope you ... emmm do not think that does not, you know me, right! "
"Well ... I'm sorry!"
"I forgive you as saying that you accept my advice. Well all we have handled. So let's my turn to get it done "

I left Elaine minute, when Yusuf came with two sisters. I feel happy, beyond grief. I hope all is said Victor was right. Hopefully there is a miracle from God's hand assistance. I can not wait enough to pass the next day. It was incredible. When I take care of all the administration, the cashier has been first clean it and gave evidence in the form of payment receipt. They smiled, and I'm confused, what he meant. And when I asked
"What you are wrong process the data?"
"Not a doctor, not at all. Room 091 in the name of Mrs. Elaine Bhaskoro have entered bills paid by the embassy, ​​everything is fine. So is the cost of care on behalf of Mr. Zarkasih Bhaskoro "
"Emmmm!"
"Oh ya Doc, they leave it to you!" The nurse gave me a brown envelope bearing the corps Embassy listed with the word newfangled Times New Roman with a capital letter in bold. Good riddance I say to myself
"What is this?"
"I do not know Doc, they do not explain it. Oh yes this one again! "He again gave me a different colored envelope me. Thick dark brown color was to be submitted to Elaine. I guess it is some dent money, yeah I guess so from its very thick. A white envelope letter attached corps so thin. I just tore it not just at the end, because the letter was addressed to me. The point peeve. Parties Embassy thank you for my help families save their ambassadors Zarkasih, the next sentence, they say will work together to help the ex-wife of Zarkasih when you get trouble. They’re said it had transferred some money hundreds for Elaine's personal account as a sign of mourning for the State. While the last sentence firmed back to Elaine not to re-occupy the home office. Since the house has been occupied by the new embassy officials. Especially because Elaine is Zarkasih widow who had divorced two weeks ago.
"Okay thanks" I left them
I do not need to worry at all about the contents of this letter. I think Elaine is enough to understand and do not need to join a headache thinking about all. I’m sure he is familiar with his new status and its consequences. I also do not want him to think that divorce can make a world off  Zarkasih narrow. Oh no, that will never happen as long as I'm alive. That afternoon I brought them into the house. Since I live alone, so I need time to get to their rooms. Need to set up something to make it look more comfortable. Because I wanted to make them more comfortable for a longer stay at home with me. Of course, with the hope that someday they can live forever with me as a family should. Real hope that Elaine is still willing to accept my suggestion  love to get married. And Yusuf willing to love me as a father. I'm ready to be a father and husband and a dedicated and sincere love.
"Mommy ..."
"Yes dear!"
"Come here, I show my room while I'm sleeping here, try to look around us ... all colored like your favorite color?"
"Oh sorry ... I interrupted you. Your room is ready Elaine "I came without permission when they were deep in conversation with a discussion of the Tidar too obvious to me.
"Emmm, you're still designing any room as we plan the lay out is used. Lay out the draft I've ever asked ... first "sentence sounds increasingly slowed
"Yes you're right, you remember to thanks"
"Hmm, you're right. Thank you still remembers it well! "
This sounds like a tortured voice, his eyes began to water though not dripping. He turned to run, tried to divert the conversation to Yusuf who was busy jumping on the bed.
"Oh dear sweetheart ... come down, you're not polite. Quit like a child. Come on baby! "She coaxed
"Let him free….his still too young" I said
"No!"
"Yes mom!” his tone sounded rueful obedient. According to what he said
Ahh I can not bear to see him scold his son Yusuf. What can make me have no say in this matter. Elaine looks clumsy. And just today I saw him cheerful. Glad to see her laugh, and I also recently realized that my live more meaningful, that’s feeling more than ever. The boy ran merrily, they chase each other up to another room and hide each other. Even when I'm alone with her mother, she likes to tease and acted surprised us both with the jail. Especially when we look so serious.
"Nice house, too large to live alone! You were supposed to get married "
Certainly true, I just smile full of hope that she understood the smile, too bad he hurry away.
"Let me show you your room"
We walked hand in hand and make me a little nervous, is this how it feels when a man hit by a mutual love affair was too long and did not meet. Mouths locked, walked slowly up the legs one at the box floor. Silent and walked as quietly as possible, no unnecessary chatter to talk about even though we just lip service. Just to liven up this evening he asked me to drive him to buy a few pieces of clothes with underwear. Understandably, all their possessions were burned clothes. Well of course I'm happy with her request, I also had the opportunity to take their dinner.
"Okay" I left him in the room that I have prepared. I had to give him a new set of clothes belong to my late mother that is outdated and very quaint. Understandably their age difference adrift far, especially my mother is not a person who fashionable likes Elaine.
"I'm sorry that I have only this, hopefully enough on your body" it sounds ridiculous, but it's a while until he found a new piece of clothing according to taste.
"Wow ... thanks, eemm first I was afraid if I have to wear your shirt!" Eyes blinked a little tease, well it is for me. Of course, the meaning will be different when he is interpreting. We laughed crisp. For a long time we did not like each other laugh just now.
"Why do not we just go out tomorrow morning? I'm afraid your condition. Please do not misunderstand "
"Well, ... I was just about to be said. But instead let me cook for you "
"Ehh .. no, we just order in a restaurant, dinner at home. Staying we contact them and we waited with ease. Not that hard we have to do "
"Do not worry, I can cook"
"I know that Elaine, well ... trim it your make up. I'll wait below and Yusuf! "
"Okay, half an hour I will come down!"
I passed away after she closed the door. Yusuf was busy arranging and tweaking plane of course messing with the watch transformers dark of the moon. I wanted to help him but he stopped me. He just told me to rest.
"Well, all right!"
His smile of triumph, I just grinned as he imagined how happy if they want adopt me as the real head of the household. I certainly would not refuse.. no .. never will. Shook his head slowly as possible so I do not attract the attention of children. Now I'm starting feeling different, as there is no power that started stinging me when Elaine came to see us. Now he was right in front of my eyes, stood quietly. I was impressed with the appearance, at first I thought that my mother's old-fashioned clothes not appropriate when dressing her skin, in fact it's quite a beautiful dress is even more beautiful when she was wearing it. Clothes can be said of my mother's model no longer exist and trends. But when Elaine does it, looks like a model who is showing off the latest designer clothing design. Her long hair is now flowing, the patching sandalwood scent on her skin now wafted by my nose. Reminds me of the last few knew that when we met for the first time.
"You're beautiful. And .. emm dress looks graceful when stuck on you "
He who had hips now looked embarrassed, and tried to calm down though failing miserably. Her cheeks flushed
"Ah never mind. You're teasing me! "
"No, I did not do it"
Elaine sat next to me, when I shifted. I know he was nervous. I also experienced similar things. Cash, I gave remote, her fingers move TV channel shows do not interest me, and maybe he feels the same. Understandably impressions transformers are finished. So there is another film which does not attract the attention of the three of us.
"You like CW TV?"
"Well I'm waiting for the vampire diaries season into three"
"Five more minutes he played?"
"You like it? You all know the schedule TV shows"
"Your tone inquisitive, well Eva. Not me, and I'd rather HEROES "little tone I emphasize on the word title.
"EVA! Girlfriend? "
"Between yes and no"
"Oohh .."
"Why did you break up?"
"Because Eva know I love other people. Love you forever "I looked into her eyes, and she looked down
"Oohh Mayong, why are you torturing yourself"
"No! Instead I entertained us by assembling your shadow! ... Where are you going? "
I'm curious. I’m disappointing him flinched. she just walked casually as if nothing had happened just conversation. Keep walking without looking at me. Well that's because her actions baited to catch up to the kitchen. I'm sure you going after you? I whispered to her as she gritted teeth molars. As I approached, I saw his hand so deftly manage multiple stacks of plates, glasses and cutlery’s. Some soup bowl and plate main course. Now she sits quietly at the table, folding her napkin folding, his eyes occasionally glancing at me, straight down when I caught gaze direction. Usually I just folded napkin into four pieces without any kind of form of sorts. But it was a beautiful napkin in her hand. Not just a piece of white cloth used to clean up the soiled dishes when we eat. Three napkin folds had been transformed into a beautiful lotus flower on a plate. I just saw no help, no one can I Help, my role is just to be spectators. Yusuf ran to call me, his breath panting, my eyebrows went up when I saw passionate. Seemed like him had just chased the demons
"What's up buddy?"
"Dude .... there seems to be a chef in your terrace"
"Oh, there must be food for us, come on dude help me!" Pulled his hand away, he obeyed without any rejection. We left Elaine at the dinner table. Rushed the waiter’s restaurant. Surely after I’m sure with that contains my pocket wallet with enough money. My hand touched back pants pocket, and finally I was relieved. The waiter came with a special car carrying box behind him. Full of order. Earlier I ordered five menu of salads, main course and dessert. Elaine followed and helped us to bring some package that I gave. Of course, Yusuf is not playing joy when reading one of his favorite food menus.
"Emmm ...."
"Well I order your favorite" I said
"Hungry mom ...! Hungry! Seems nice" gulped see the way that the food menu.
"Patiently" said Elaine "Help mommy dear!" Elaine tried hard to make her so as not to be seen hungry, like he was afraid that if I get angry. It was not a problem for me. I can only shake my head. I do not want to miss the slightest happiness with them. Until I do not care about that phone vibration hiding inside his pants. I do not want to know who is calling me. Even he's a president will not listen.
"I'm hungry mom ... fast. hurry!"
"Let me Help!" I said, I can not bear to see Elaine prepared all by herself
"Thank you! Lots of you a message! "
"Ah not really, you still like oyster right?" Slightly curious, fear him if he has changed his appetite. He said, nodding
"But this is too much, I’m fear not finished, right dear"
"If you do not run our store in the fridge, and reheat in the microwave we live tomorrow morning. It still can be used for breakfast! "she understood the explanation.
"And curry fish, this must be your favorite '
I'm afraid I blushed, my God he is still remembered. Got me a big head. A smile is not enough for a form of expression, because tonight my heart is very happy.
"Calamari spaghetti with radicchio, special for my cute spider boy!" Eyes glanced toward Yusuf, who seems to have swallowed. His style is more visible when the hair scratching his saliva had collected mouth cavity, ready to drip when indirect favorite menu immediately put on the plate.
"Ohh, adorable smile..! Correct if you were waiting for this one! "
Yup, he's really shy. His hand is ready with a spoon and fork to use to eat out without looking the slightest spaghetti when I put a few tablespoons into the plate. Four other menus are our tastes. Oyster and spinach frittata, smoked trout salad and summer vegetable is a favorite menu Elaine. Actually, I'd like to order the salmon salad with lime dressing but unfortunately the menu is not in their menu. Though my intention was to turn the menu ordered our past.
"Wahhh .... this must Vaganza lindt chocolate, chocolate Swiss eemmm. It would be better if served in a hot station. Right? And it certainly Mohr-im-hemd most delicious chocolate hazelnut pudding Austria "that forms Elaine explanation to me. And I can only lift two fingers thumb
"Yup ..."

I know she must know, what kind of menu dessert in front of his "fantastic" they said simultaneously. All three laughed together. Dinner taste better this time. Very perfect. Paid off during this dream. Well although not all real. There are still a lot of hope and a chance to gain back the love we turn around I told myself. My heart was pumping happiness expands, I am increasingly aware Elaine is the love of my life. I love her anytime even without warranty certainty. Since tonight I was paid back with a lot of things that are emotional psyche. Although it all started from a very simple thing. I know exactly Elaine does still love me ... even though he's still embarrassed to show affection to me. Now my house feels more alive with the light shining on my soul. Yusuf I take as my own even though there is no official ties. I was expecting the Lord to grant my request. I have often thought since that night everything seemed different about it all that much brought closer and kept a close. My relationship with Eva is getting far, far away. At first I was happy, because in the end Eva knows everything. I've made her cry, I am so sorry that one. All I know is, today I'm going to see him after a few days we did not communicate. But somehow, like a great weight that prop me when I wanted to see, as there are large rocks that block my way. It was quite different when compared to when I will see Elaine. Whatever I feel I still have a meeting Eva, I want fix it our communications so as not to cut off, although I did not try to explain clearly. Neither there was no intention to re-take it in my arms like the first. All I felt was an inconvenience for our working relationship. I met Eva in the hospital systems of exactly at connecting hallway between the operating room with the blood bank. She was greeted with a friendly, I forgot her name.
"Afternoon, doctor" little head nod
"Well, what doctor Eva was in her office!"
"Yes she is doc" she said, nodding. I just step into the room accelerate Eva. This time I’m not instead of roses that I brought with me as usual. Only parcels of fruit rose string up by Elaine. Before I knocked on the door, Eva been opened, the shock will my presence clearly visible in his eyes.
"Mayong"
"Uh ... hey, you're busy" I asked, a bit confused
"No, of course not. In fact I would go to your rooms "
"Okay. This is for you? " I give her fruit hampers from my hands. Eva looked disappointed because it is not a rose that I carry. But what may make. Stock my rose only to Elaine's not him anymore. Once it is clear that his face looks sour.
"Thanks, ohh ... what you're saying? You seem to add weight to your body! His eyes were busy watching my figure is starting to look fat, knowing it since there is Elaine at home, my eating schedule is never too late, even every menu he presented always arouse my appetite.
"Oh, really ..? I do not think so, oh ... I just want to see you" I deliberately lied about everything I did not have the heart to say it. "Emmm do you mind if I see you. Alright I'll go! "I turn my body, but before I really interesting spin his shoulder hard. Nearly fell on his foot parcel.
"Oops" we simultaneously while saying it. Hand accidentally touched his hand. a second later, he invited me in and sat in front of the existing dental chair in front of his desk. His hand was still watching me, when I suddenly wanted to escape. And I would be very happy if he was really telling me to go. I do not need unnecessary ado with him.
"By the way Mayong, what afternoon you can take me home" mouth open again after a few minutes we stopped and looked at each other.
"Yah! Why not "I said, just drove home certainly is not a problem for me and Elaine.
"Shall we go have dinner" continued excitement and surprise that made me have a heart attack. My eyes widened. And like my conscience rebelled.
"How about lunch" I said
"Okay" she finally accepted my offer without protest as usual she did.
"Go now" I said
"Well, looks like you missed me"
her hand quickly grabbed her candy-bag. Well immediately sounded excited. Her mood is very bright, in contrast to a few seconds ago. We went to a restaurant owned by Harvest. I just ordered a cup of coffee and Eva ordered cheese tart with a strong aroma rum cake coupled with a glass of bloody marry. We chatted like a lover. Familiarity so hello. You could say I was bathed in love. Eva is beautiful like a model, she was one of the doctors are very fashionable. What is the trend, that her style. I'm thankful there is no topic that leads to Elaine. Everything SAVE!. Accidentally I let Eva clung shoulder, though I felt uncomfortable. Only lasts until the time when it will end. I wanted to quickly switch roles. Two hours with me are losing oxygen. I told you that I have many patients with serious conditions. She’s don’t care, it still would not care about the situation of patients. her style is cool like the deaf, makes me annoyed and upset. When my phone vibrates I were to have a chance to get rid of it. I think Elaine were contacted.
"I'm going to the toilet"
"Not too long" she cried a little watching my movements. But I guess he did not know if I avoid it just to receive telephone
"Hello ... Mayoong ... hallo!" Cried
"Well, why dear?" I said, curious. Because for the first time Elaine called me on the phone.
"Mayong, and Yusuf I want to go to the zoo. I just asked for permission to go, ... emmm I mean, I took the key home! I'm just afraid if you suddenly come back "her voice sounded nervous
"Oh yah please, just take my audy" I wanted her to calm and take everything that is in my house belongs to both of them as well.
"No, no thank you, I just take a taxi and Yusuf, what time are you coming home?"
"Do not know, do not worry ... have fun. Just relax "
"Thank you, please let me know when you're going home!"
"Relax, to convey my love for Yusuf"
I heard Yusuf screaming calling me ‘dude…dude. dude’, oh my, it's the sound that makes me want to run as fast as possible to meet them. I would like to invite Eva to quite home. I went back to see him
"Who," she asked with a curious tone
"Victor" let's go back, I already earlier talking to you! There is a serious patient "I grumbled pretend serious style
"God, I'm sorry. I'm just not satisfied with you both "ahhh sounded tempting and seducing the deceptive death. I sent a message to Victor that he would help me to lie to Eva, I also want to be honest if new name I borrowed a tool Eva lied.

EVA TELL IF YOU'RE NEW contacted TWO MINUTES AGO. WHEN EVA ask you. TX!

Fifteen seconds later. I get a message on YM

HAHAHHAHA .... YOU’RE SHARING YOUR LOVE , YOU!!! WATCH OUT DUDE!

I smiled when I read trying to describe his face in shadow. staring lucky because he was not my face. When we’re arriving at the hospital. We walked separately into different rooms, Eva headed to the children's ward. And I went into medicine ward. I want to see him full of inspiring my special patients. A patient who is still very young. Seventeen-year-old who suffered from cancer. He still descendants of the aboriginal, indigenous people face such as Indonesia. His passion for life still thrills truly extraordinary. The surplus, he's good at predicting people. My personality is also not spared from the predictions. All he ever said to me before, now I have experienced some of it. I love him so much, I'm proud of the spirit. Because it is always what he said made me feel ashamed if I did not possess the spirit of hard as he has. To be honest we felt like had such a strong emotional bond. Mindset has always caught my eye. She's a fan of the novel trilogy lord of the rings, Arwen figure is his idol. Beautiful fairy who sacrificed them selves to change shape for her lover. Even her soul willingly released.
My cell phone vibrated again,
"Eva just from my office, and she asked, as you fear ... emmm and now she asks Elaine?"
"just Say it that Elaine lives in an apartment owned by her husband!"
"Fine, but what if he find out. Well ... of course you'd know how his form when he was being chased by a sense of curiosity "
"It matters later. I'll finish it! "
"Well, it looks like three minutes from now, will see her assistant. I did not hear what Eva told her earlier. Presumably she began to stress! "
"Never mind, I am again with the patient. Later I’m visit your room "
"Disconnect it! I'm willing to take care of Eva" well sounding spontaneous tone mocking laugh and I still remember that first love she never expected.
"You're crazy"
"You just made me mad!"
I laugh a little harder when Victor tried to criticize. And I started again to lonesome Elaine; I like the smell of her. Enough to drive me crazy until my blood compact. And if I cant stop her. Language I can use to describe my mood today is just LOST THE FOUND.. I no longer able to concentrate, I'd be afraid if I force it to work, so instead I'm going to kill more patients than they cure. There is no one thing that got me hooked but think about them. Yusuf is now unusually cheerful, no more moody as I start to find her. Elaine ... well she still looks amazing in my eyes was the same. I'm busy thinking about them. I returned to consciousness with the still sue for duty even though I was busy counting the seconds that seemed to look a long time to move clockwise, quiet atmosphere of the room was still visible. I was bored by just opening the journal, read the agenda prior to re-read my old diktat. At first glance I saw Eva emerged from the shadows outside the room, I was lucky because he was thought better to see. I started uncomfortable with anything related to Eva, well I'm very disgusted. I wanted to let go of my role officially resigned from his love. I want to do now, I want to see them, and I called Elaine, make sure they are still in the same place. Because the more I think they feel the incredible life experience.
"El ... you where? I want to pick you up! "
"Hey .. oh, we're still in the Melbourne zoo, but now Yusuf was standing in front of the gate way out! How's that? "
"Oh well I'll be right there!
"Well, sure we wait out the front door!"
"Oh no, .. no I do not like you to wait there! Why do not you wait for me in one restaurant? Precisely in Parkville hotel, you know? "
"Well yah yah sure thoughtful ."
An hour later I found them in Parkville, glad to see them. I spent two hours with them. It was different, I wanted to run slower at times, unfortunately God did not grant my request. Well even though we only enjoyed one full pizza pan seafood and parmesan cheese. But now I no longer brave overnight for Elaine's eyes. Whenever I ventured eyes or face, my heart seemed to want to jump out and escape. Bow seemed stuck performance when I was a clean hard to repeat. Yusuf always Intermediaries our mood when we are no longer under normal conditions. When shame back often between us. Thrives when we were both talking. Because we ran out of topic, I will invite them to go home and rest. On the way home Yusuf Elaine lap asleep, asleep once. Looks like they were tired. Elaine tries her best to his eyelids not closed, though her eyes started to look sleepy. We tried to talk things simple. But when I start to feel engrossed ...
"Well, .... you know the Erna has never forgotten her hello kitty wherever he goes, even now I hear he's become an expert on metaphysics. Well ironic that she's still got hello kitty nowhere, hahahhahaha "
And when I turned I found I was talking to myself, because Elaine was also falling asleep. Oh my god! I stretched out my right hand to hold his head often fell and almost hit the glass, ahhh a little difficult when the wheel is right-handed, I had to concentrate hard. Up to half an hour of new my hands felt tingling. Arm a little stiff. But it does not matter I'm used to and get used to driving with one hand, the left. And ten minutes I'll soon get to the house. Elaine woke up with a bit of embarrassment.
"Sorry El, maybe you're not comfortable!" I move my hand, I'm afraid she's wrong miss understanding. When awake eyes staring straight back, like surprised
"Ahh, that I should be ashamed, it's so!"
Well thankfully he understood and realized. But I'm glad I finally had a chance for more. Hopefully this is all a good start.

Arriving in the front yard, I went down and opened the prelude to their car, Yusuf

 had not woke up, feeling satisfied and tired sedated to sleep longer without attention around.
"Give him to me, and grab the house keys!" I reached for her not exhausted
"His weight"
"I've picked his up, and fortunately have never broken my hand while I hold him, do you believe?"
"Well ..."
We walked up into the porch, Elaine unlocked forever home. Of course he has not memorized which houses key
"Try a large, triangular symbol"
"Oohh .. yeah you're right!"
He leads me in but he held the door shut so that no wind.
"Watch out .. emmm let me put your car!" He said. And I just shook his head, I knew he was tired. So I forbid it. "Well, you're pretty spoiled us!" And we just smiled at each other.
I swept the room around my house with a view that seemed not my way, turning the room lights when I'm not there at room it. At a glance suspicions disappear after I realized that now I do not live alone.
"For tonight let my son sleeps in my room huh? I miss his snoring! "Said Elaine, let me agree with it, although a little disappointed. I left my office that I had not yet met them. I went upstairs to Elaine, and Elaine scatter myself into the kitchen, maybe he wanted something to drink. I calmly looked Yusuf who was also a good sleep his emotional has stabilized. I lay his body comfortably, I took off all of the attributes that he wore, only I can not change the clothes he was wearing his new pajamas. Glad it turned out when people I care about the spiritual seem to look comfortable, it was quite a relief no doubt. When Elaine entered at my room, she was surprised to see me; most of Yusuf dropped a glass of milk soaked carpet.
"Uuupss ... I thought you were down, I saw that your room is lit!"
"I thought you were turning on the lights your room!"
"No, I did not go in since yesterday; sorry I did not clean up your room! tomorrow for sure I cleared "her voice was hesitant, maybe he thought I was mad because it was
"No I'm not mad about that at all, I do not like you to clean my house until your back broke, do not miss understanding about..,sorry I just do not want you tired. I used to call someone to clean my house twice a week "
"Ooohhh .... but I hear the instruments so I thought you said, ..." I'm surprised to hear it. I went downstairs to leave them just go at my room Curiosity made me to see first hand the actual condition. Elaine followed rapidly until she realized we were already right in front of the main room. Gosh is not playing we were both shocked, our mouths dropped open when she saw at first sights that never crossed my mind. Even not in any condition. I also could not help wondering if she had done it like desperately madness. Elaine hidden behind my back with his right hand covering his mouth so reflexes are immediately shocked. "Gosh!" The three of us yelled almost simultaneously.
"Sorry, I will give you time so that you can talk in private" Elaine left us. I was afraid she was angry, offended or think kind of sorts. I'm afraid that he suspected that if I do it often. I am angry, very angry. I forget if Eva still has the keys of my house. Eva was as surprised as we were, she leapt out of bed just after realizing that the house was not just me and him, but there was Elaine's in the house. My heart almost off. Seeing Eva posing naked on the bed to sleep without a blanket, without clothes one piece of yarn.
"You're crazy" I yelled. My sound very loudly stiff
"Why are you! Why did you not say when the woman was at home! I think you people are not going to stay east of the house without the bond of marriage "
"You're crazy, what do you think? Good thing Yusuf did not see you naked. You're crazy. Stupid "
"You're rude to me, hear Mayong if I knew she was here, of course I did not do something like this"
"So what makes this you looks desperate, dumber…Explain to me "
"Mayong heard, you've really got me upset, you humble dignity" now sound louder, but I do not want to lose
"What you're not one to talk, instead you are degrading yourself, you know that" I spoke to him without the slightest her face! see, I've only seen wearing casual clothes so quickly and so in a hurry. I want to finish it all tonight. After Eva wearing all her clothes with neat, she’s out of my room and I followed up. We were both surprised to find Elaine returned to sit in the living room with a blank look. I know what he thinks is bad I said to myself. Eva approached. Looked so cynical. I do not like scenes like this. Elaine quasi did not see it. But more Eva looked angry; I do not know what they think about me. But I do not care about what people think about me and Elaine, Eva.” You, I want to talk to you!" Cynical face looked so tense Elaine, Elaine was always trying to look calm, but I knew that he was not in good condition mentally, his finger trembling, that habit long ago when he was in nervous condition.
"I am!"
"Well you" said Eva
"I do not want to hear our noisy tonight, my son slept on?" I said, I just say it without thinking
"Children? Children you say! "Snapped Eva, Elaine just looked my eyes and looked and spin around Eva. Although she was silent.
"Eva, I urge you to be calm, and quickly moved out of here," I can not wait to see it out of here! "
"You ... you dare me away! You forget who I am, is not my future wife! "
"No, you are deeming it, as I recall we were not engaged"
"Ooohhh ... because this woman!"
"Eva ... I beg you please do not get me wrong, I'm ... emmm him, it used to be ... us!" Elaine's voice sounded nervous
"Shut up," he snapped so hard "
"You are silent," I yelled louder. Eva came up to me and lifted his hand to my face

Unfortunately it misses, because my hand deflects it quickly.
We tried to calm each other down and sat down, I approached Elaine. Eva sat in front of us. Perhaps this view that made her sick. But in fact I love it. I want to open Eva eye that between us is no longer that special. Elaine silent, speechless. So did her until I had to make a decision tonight.
"I'll say it hear without me remarkable one and I beg you all understand and accept it all. I loved Elaine ... Eva, i love him long ago. You know "my voice was low, I deliberately set the intonation to sound fatherly Eva not so sick, and I'm happy that Elaine inserts sound proud to hear my confession. I began to feel his love now starting to come caress my niche. I constantly feel like dancing sky high with him. I did not care about feelings Eva, this is all I am not intentionally, I just had this feeling without permission. Moreover, he is all wrong. She should not do things that have no aesthetic value. Understandably our culture across. Despite the fact Eva still included in the category of Westerners were very polite.
"We've been trying to bury each other feeling like this, but we admit it is not easy. And it is not as easy as turning the palm of our hands. Once again I'm ... "
"Silence you, and you Mayong you're chicken!" she shouted.
We were both silent as Eva rose from his chair in a rage and left my house just to slam the door glass, fortunately not broken. We are still speechless when Eva started roaring engine sound until the fourth car was carried off. I'm relieved, but I'm not sure of the heart motion Elaine. Her body still twitched slightly. I never saw her at odds with anyone. But this time, he was trying to defend me. I was speechless when he rose from his chair, as soon as I pulled her hand until she fell right on my lap.
"Say again if you still love me, or the sky will fall if you're silent!"
"Mayong  ..."
"Say ... I was prepared to wait"
"I suppose you've heard" he began trying little rebel, to release my hand.
"Elaine ... begs you! So what if you say it again "I let go, she walked up to the glass window and opened the curtains. I do not know what he saw. Or she’s just making sure that she was not going to come back again to us. I approached her, and turned around to stare at my face.
"I still love you, why do you never see"
Quick as a flash I hugged her, kissed her forehead. I did not realize that my tears just came out
"Why are you so long?" she said again. And I still can not answer. My chest felt tight, stiff tongue. Actually a lot of things I wanted to say. But it looks like I will not hesitate to let go of my arms. I want to enjoy it in full after so long we are apart, especially because of my stupidity.
"Elaine how I’m very happy I heard what you said, I like getting fresh air. You will never know how ill I swallowed it all. I'm sorry dear. Really I'm so sorry. I know that I'm stupid. During this time I felt numb. I live without real love "
"I know, I feel the same way! The love that I have is not love that I can receive a whole. All obligations are only of a wife to her husband. Although I do not want to hurt her. But because of my love for you is what makes her heart hurt unintentionally "
"Ssttttt!" I said, I do not want her to continue the sentence. It was too painful for us to hear and we are advocating. I understand and I'm familiar with it all.
"May I kiss you" I said a little demanding. Her eyes were closed, I assume it's a sign that he agreed to my request. Well of course, I do it slowly and sweetly as possible, I really feel the honey flew out of his mouth. It is an anti-virus re-activates my desires as a man in full.
"Emmmm ... thanks!" When I started to stretch my arms, she just hugged me back tightly.

Since that night, we are committed to re-knit our love is obsolete, slowly but surely we further improve our communications were poor before, and the results are close to perfection. We love the blessing of Yusuf his only child. And I received one hundred percent to his father. A week later, Elaine and Yusuf lived at one apartment that I rent only for a few months until we really officially become a married couple legitimate religion and the state. And since the day we broke up the first week, Elaine tries to find a job in a museum as an administration. Her salary is not too big, but it was enough to make her comfortable without my help. Of course she never would if I continued to fill her account number with some money before I married him officially. Earlier this month the three of us compose or rather make a list of some simple needs for our wedding earlier this year. Understandably we together and no longer own a parent. So just a few close relatives in the event that we invite our marriage. And that's a very simple program. At first he did not want me to marry her because she has just become a widow, and instead I just proposed to her as a fiancé in front of him as our witness, was incredible happiness that enveloped us where they have it. I proposed to her in one very special place according to Yusuf, well he had chosen a restaurant PISETTA ITALIAN ICE CREAM PARLOR and PANCAKES IN ITALY, the three of us vacationing there for some days. Feeling honey moon, though not, ehhehehe. But I kept urging the many factors that appear logical in her eyes, I’ll feel uncomfortable when I see it constantly worked hard to meet the needs that can not be said Yusuf cheap. Understandably he was one of those who can be invited to live a little less simple, after all this time getting his late father's life could be said to be quite luxurious. But I do not mind, I could feel it all, especially now that I have a side job. And Elaine opened a bookstore that began to have a lot of visitors, you could say the price is relatively cheaper than bookstores. Right at the beginning of the year we got married at one mosque in which Sidney's most famous mosque busy with many activities of the Muslims. Gallipoli Mosque in Auburn. We invited some relation ex-husband as a witness, of course, the miraculous close friends Victor and Andrew with their respective partner. I also received congratulations from Eva through our conversation on the phone, Eva present a special ring for Elaine had bought in London. White gold sapphire-eyed rock with our name 'Elaine Mayong belongs forever' Then I'll know that since the incident she fled to London to become a photo model, is no longer a doctor. Whatever it is, Eva was happy with our marriage, our love so eternal inseparable except death that killed us. That last sentence.